The End/Beginning: ELPers, seek your passions

(EDIT: I'm staying on Blogger! Read my posts as they continue here throughout the coming weeks and months.)

One of my passions is having an outdoorsy lifestyle that embodies the spirit of my home, my lifeblood, the Pacific Northwest. Pictured here is Grand Tetons National Park in autumn. What are your passions? How can you attain them?

How can it be over already? It seems like it was just yesterday that I nervously walked over to the Locatelli Center for that first class in January. I didn't know what to expect, or really why I had signed up in the first place. I wanted to connect with a group of people that I wasn't finding in the Fall Quarter and wow, have I found that much and more.

I could not have asked for a better experience for the Winter Quarter of my freshman year here at Santa Clara University. Combined with numerous other experiences (namely, the DISCOVER Retreat with Campus Ministry, CLC, and a few other great programs), ELP has been absolutely essential to my  development as a student, as a leader, and as a person. Honestly, I've learned more, I think, about myself than I ever could have expected. And, quite honestly, it's helped me to make it through.

Toward the middle of the quarter, I was seriously struggling with being away from my home in the Pacific Northwest, as I was feeling increasingly disconnected by the day. Meanwhile, I still didn't really feel like I fit in, that I could be myself, here at Santa Clara. This, combined with my apparent lack of a career/major direction, contributed to what I would term a serious mental/emotional breakdown. Where did I fit in? 

As it turns out, I discovered by the end of the quarter that I fit in here. And I don't have to abandon my past, my values, my experience, my home, in order to have an amazing university experience. I belong here. Among my fellow ELPers. Among these great leaders, these awesome, hilarious people who don't mind me being me. Among this awesome group of people that explores their passions each and every day. I couldn't have asked for a better group of people with whom to share this experience; so thank you.

I learned about how my own personality can influence my leadership styles--and how different peoples' personalities necessitate varying styles of leadership so as to better communicate goals and values. I learned that my values many times also influence how I lead. I'm very passionate about everything to do, and unsurprisingly I'm thus extremely passionate in my leadership style. But some people may not respond well to that style, so I need to know when and how to tone it down so as to create the best platform for collaboration. I learned that the struggles of one person can quickly become the struggles of the group if they aren't dealt with and vocalized in a strong, empathetic way. We work the best together when we recognize each other's strengths and weaknesses and build from them.

Most of all, I'd say that I learned that we work the best together, create the best products, organize the best events, craft the coolest retreat ideas, when we are passionate, when we care deeply about, when we love our work. Passion is everything. Where would we be if we hadn't explored our passions, our desires, our greatest loves? And where would we be if we hadn't persevered in the search? As an undeclared student who has gone through many different thoughts as to a possible major, this class, combined with DISCOVER, has helped me to realize that what I choose to study doesn't matter nearly as much as what I choose to do with my studies. More than that, I learned that I should chase my passions before all else--because by doing so, we are best able to lead, organize, grow, and create. Here, I'm guided by the words of Pedro Arrupe, S.J., the former superior general of the Society of Jesus:

Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will effect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.

It's not so much about "finding God" as it is about "finding passions." Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything. It describes that moment when our worries and fears fade away and the only thing in front of us is our "here and now." It describes how I have felt about ELP these past few weeks.

Anyway, I hope to continue my leadership development. Most significantly, I need to continue with weekly self-reflection. I find it as an opportunity to air my concerns and center myself as I head into the new week, and it has been one of my favorite experience of ELP. So this blog will continue--although it will be, following this post, jumping here, over to Wordpress. All of these posts from ELP will remain archived here and a copy will exist there as well. Tumblr allows greater flexibility for posting mixed media and I can hashtag things. Which I like.

Seriously, though, my development as a leader--and as a person--is absolutely essential to me. And by reflecting as I go, I find that I'm better able to recognize where I succeed and where I fail as a leader; that way I can work to improve. As I grow into leadership positions, I expect to use the knowledge I gained in ELP about how different types of people work and lead in order to create environments that are inviting for all to, first and foremost, seek their passions.

The End of an Era: Yeah, I'm a Harry Potter Nerd. Deal with it.

So I've been having a bit of a Harry Potter nostalgia-fest. As someone who read the first novel at age six and continued with them up until the midnight release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, I cannot even begin to express what my world view owes to the series. Its themes have become important aspects of my value set, from the pervasiveness of love to the importance of family. 

I remember countless roadtrips with my parents, listening to the audiobooks in the car. Jim Dale's voice still rings in my ear, as I could easily predict half of the lines of dialogue in the final three books of the series. I remember attending the movie premieres with my entire family--grandparents and all. Nothing could be more reminiscent, nothing could better describe my childhood, aside for maybe skiing.

So enjoy this video as I start watching Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone instead of studying for finals. Why am I watching? Because I know that "whether [I] come back by page or by the big screen, Hogwarts will always be there to welcome [me] home."

Self-Survey: Opening Oneself to Criticism

(NOTE: Text in brackets indicates direct quotes changed slightly in order to fit the context of a particular sentence.)

"What are my gifts?"

As I've already discussed, at the beginning of February, I attended a retreat with SCU Campus Ministry called DISCOVER. Focusing on the "three key questions," the weekend led me to a total [but necessary] personal breakdown. These questions and the two added by CM emphasized the personal:

"What brings me joy?"
"What are my gifts?"
"How can I discern my relationships?"
"Who does the world need me to be?"
"What are the costs?"

The question of gifts particularly resonated with me. What were my gifts? It struck me that I've never really given the question much thought myself. Who does? We're so focused on attention and praise that we don't really give time to reflect on our own strengths. And that's the other thing. I mean, it's one thing to think that you have a gift for something, but it's another thing entirely to be told that you have a gift for something by others. It's gratifying. It makes you feel good. It makes you want to go out and use your passions to change the world for the better.

But the unfortunate fact is that it doesn't give you the full story. It doesn't tell you where your weaknesses lie. It doesn't give you opportunities for self-improvement or growth--as a person, as a student, as a leader.

So after DISCOVER, I set up a Google Doc where my friends and family could anonymously and honestly share such information. I only asked two questions:

"What are Anthony's strengths?"
"What are Anthony's weaknesses?"

The responses were gratifying. Emotionally-charged. Rich. Honest and sincere. Incredibly true and occasionally frustrating. I mean, really? Do I really do that? Am I really? It's amazing how many things we don't notice that our friends and family do.

I was praised for "[my] ability to put plans into action, [my] dedication to others, [my] loyalty to [my] friends and ability to see the good in people and respect their opinions." I was recognized as "a wonderful activist" who holds "[myself] accountable for [my] actions and decisions," making me "a very dependable and consistent person following [my] conscience." I was called "a caring person that tries to make sure that all people [I] come into contact with [will] succeed." More broadly, respondents noted my empathy, passion, and faith as positive qualities.

Meanwhile, responses made clear my many weaknesses. I "can be a bit overbearing in arguments and sometimes...avoid looking at the other side," which can be "a bit intimidating." I have a "tendency to be very opinionated and talk over others, (not in an offensive or exclusive way, just excited[ly])." "Want[ing] things to be done a certain way," I "don't often delegate." Much of the comments were focused on my political beliefs and opinions, which I have a tendency to make quite obvious to other people, especially on Facebook, and often causing problems like long arguments in comments sections of statuses and photos. Overall, the main refrain was that I am sometimes so passionate that I appear to be judgmental or non-agreeable.

The exercise, though, was one of the coolest, most informative, most interesting things I've ever done to determine what other people see and hear when I am talking to them. My "strengths" were good to hear, but my "weaknesses" were humbling, yet necessary. I believe some of them can be explained at least partially by my MBTI type (an ESTJ/ESFJ tie), but they certainly bring opportunity for self-improvement.

I should try, for example, to keep political comments to a minimum so as not to enrage people who may not agree with my views or who aren't interested in politics. When I do make my opinions known, I need to make sure that I allow other people to get their views in as well--and I need to consider them equally with my own. I need to ensure that everyone has work to do so as not to feel unimportant.

All things that a leader should constantly be working on.

Overall, I encourage others to attempt to post a self-survey. You can create an anonymous Google Doc, allowing you to receive responses from people without their names being displayed--only a timestamp. I encourage you to take your praise in stride and your weaknesses as chances for improvement.

If you'd like to participate in my survey, I'd welcome your responses.

Artist Spotlight: NEEDTOBREATHE

I vividly remember that date in 2010 when I first heard what would become my favorite band of all time: NEEDTOBREATHE. Their song "Something Beautiful" was rich, meaningful, awe-inspiring. It shook me to my core, and it brought me peace. It gave me strength...and chills.

While the song often plays on Christian Contemporary radio and their are a few Christian references in the song, its main takeaways are mostly secular. Here's Bo Rineheart, the band's lead singer, on the meaning behind the song:

When I wrote "Something Beautiful", I was in a pretty desperate state. I kinda felt like I hadn't seen anything truly inspiring in awhile. And we're taught that inspiration is just around the corner, but the problem is, it may not be until the fifteenth corner that we finally see it. We talk about that risk and we use a metaphor in the verse of being "ankle deep in the ocean" but "the water is rising quick" and the tide's coming in, y'know, am I gonna drown, in search of this thing that I've been looking for. But I believe that anything worth having, is worth the risk of losing it...In the song, we don't really give the answer of how to find something beautiful. Because how you find that may be completely different than me. But I'm pretty sure it's going to start with a broken heart and a [remorseful] spirit."

"Something Beautiful" constantly reminds me that even when it seems like "the water is rising quick," risking my own "drowning," the "search" is worth persevering. Because only by persisting in the search will we finally find that "something beautiful."

Group Development...and Movie Clips

Tuckman's Stages of Group Development certainly are an interesting and insightful way to think about how group dynamics work. And they certainly make sense. How many strained group projects have you been a part of? Probably more than a few.

First off, let's figure out which videos represented which stages of group development.

Video #1: Norming
Here we see teammates taking the "fall"--the work, the pushups--for one of their own. It's clear by this stage that the group has developed into a cohesive unit that acts for common interests rather than competitive, selfish goals. The misfortune of one person is the misfortune of the group, and without complaining, without hesitation, without resistance, each of the players rises to the challenge of working with one another so as to better the whole.

Video #2: Adjourning
The primary plot points concluded, the only piece left in the puzzle of Aladdin is the denouement. Here we witness the breakup of the Genie and the rest of the characters as the work is done. There is nothing left to do, all problems being solved. Of course, it is a Disney movie, so it was clear from the beginning that Aladdin was going to "get the girl" as well.

Video #3: Storming
Breathtaking conflict. Each player is concerned about his own interests and not those of the whole group. A clear clique has developed, with individuals taking stances not solely for the merit of those stances, but because they wish to be seen as superior to everyone else. Of course, this sort of a moment in group development does create challenges, but only by resolving them can the group work toward execution.

Video #4: Performing
The "important" part. This is where it all comes together. Clearly, with one of "their own" in trouble, the members of the fish tank community at "P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney" are concerned with working together to make the impossible happen: saving Nemo from Darla's wrath. And they do so without care of themselves--only for the task at hand.

So, what's missing?

Video #5: Forming
Quite honestly, I haven't watched a lot of movies recently. So this challenge was particularly difficult. Especially considering the fact that I had to think of a scene that I knew would be on YouTube. So when I stumbled upon this clip from last year's The Perks of Being a Wallflower, I knew I had found a good match.

First of all, we see a group slowly coming together. Charlie, the "loner" in this situation, comes together with Sam (played by Harry Potter actress Emma Watson) and Ezra Miller's character. There's a focus on similarities as Miller's character remarks that Charlie hasn't made fun of him. Obvious first impressions are made, and are clearly enough as the two invite Charlie to a party later that night. There's not too much exploration of each character, but there is a large emphasis placed on inclusion, as Charlie is welcomed into the two's circle. Later on in the movie, the acquaintanceship grows into friendship, which only continues to flourish.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower is an excellent movie. And I never thought I'd say that. My brother is a big fan of the novel as well as the film, and needless to say, the enthusiasm has carried over at least somewhat. That said, it's not for the faint of heart or the emotionally-weak. And it's certainly not a "walk in the park" movie. But I do encourage all of you to see it if you haven't already. It's one of the two movies I've seen in theaters in the last six months, and given that Les Miserables was the other, I can't exactly give the nod to one over the other.

Enjoy.