Leadership by Example: Non-Judging Communication

Just a little funny screengrab to start off your week. This was in Spokane, my hometown, and broadcast on KHQ Local News, the NBC affiliate in the area, after a stabbing that occurred near downtown. This particular image went viral on Reddit, Tumblr, and a number of other social media outlets. Notably, this individual's communication was ineffective. So here we are. 

We've all had those interactions. The ones where you don't realize that the person to whom you're speaking is actually in a deep state of emotional distress. They happen every day. Usually it's not your fault; I mean, they do an excellent job of putting on "masks" under which they can hide their true feelings, what is truly going on in their lives. It could be a death in the family. It could be severe depression. It could be crippling anorexia. Alternatively, they could be attempting to hide their deep emotional bliss. Perhaps they just visited home. Maybe they just got back from a retreat and are on a spiritual high.

The point is that we don't know where others are coming from. But when we recognize the diverse and varied experiences from which others come, we can better understand relate to and communicate with others so as to facilitate strong, decisive leadership. As such, my five strategies come in the form of steps. Note that all of these steps can be fit into the group dynamic as well.

STEP 1: Recognize the overall and inherent diversity and uniqueness of each and every person. By better recognizing that we each have our own struggles, challenges, triumphs, and perspectives which govern the way which we live our lives, we can better relate to others.

STEP 2: Try to understand and respect the other person's differences. Inevitably, we aren't always going to be dealing with people who have similar experiences to ours. We will, however, interact with hundreds of other people on a daily basis. We can choose to allow these feel comfortable in communicating with us, or we can become hostile because they don't understand our own points of view. It's our choice. Not theirs. Now, this isn't license to allow the other person to be a jerk to you. On the contrary, this method of communicating asks you to understand why the other person might be acting like a jerk.

STEP 3: Adapt your communication style so as to be more sensitive to the needs of the other. For example, take the person who was acting like a jerk to you earlier. Perhaps he is stressed about a midterm or something else. Try speaking with less of an inclination toward deadlines and recriminations and more toward sympathy. You may need to "lay down the law," for example, on a group project, but you cannot simply move toward anger and hard deadlines, or the other individual might become agitated. Try to empathize with the other person.

STEP 4: Move toward a mutual solution. All parties can be agreeable. If this is starting to sound like conflict resolution, that's because non-judging communication is absolutely key to conflict resolution. You can't move forward to a solution when one party is constantly judging the other. All parties should be satisfied as long as they are empathizing/sympathizing with each other.

STEP 5: Constantly strive to become more discerning in when you "judge" during communication. This can come in the form of body language, appearance, and a variety of factors. The key is that "judging" in communication is not inherently bad, but in many cases it reduces our ability to understand where the other individual is coming from, which is assuredly bad.

 Anyway, follow these five steps, and you will be a leader in non-judging communication. They key is to understand that not everyone comes from your background. In recognizing that, we become not only better, more effective leaders who can better relate to those we serve, but also just better human beings.