Self-Survey: Opening Oneself to Criticism

(NOTE: Text in brackets indicates direct quotes changed slightly in order to fit the context of a particular sentence.)

"What are my gifts?"

As I've already discussed, at the beginning of February, I attended a retreat with SCU Campus Ministry called DISCOVER. Focusing on the "three key questions," the weekend led me to a total [but necessary] personal breakdown. These questions and the two added by CM emphasized the personal:

"What brings me joy?"
"What are my gifts?"
"How can I discern my relationships?"
"Who does the world need me to be?"
"What are the costs?"

The question of gifts particularly resonated with me. What were my gifts? It struck me that I've never really given the question much thought myself. Who does? We're so focused on attention and praise that we don't really give time to reflect on our own strengths. And that's the other thing. I mean, it's one thing to think that you have a gift for something, but it's another thing entirely to be told that you have a gift for something by others. It's gratifying. It makes you feel good. It makes you want to go out and use your passions to change the world for the better.

But the unfortunate fact is that it doesn't give you the full story. It doesn't tell you where your weaknesses lie. It doesn't give you opportunities for self-improvement or growth--as a person, as a student, as a leader.

So after DISCOVER, I set up a Google Doc where my friends and family could anonymously and honestly share such information. I only asked two questions:

"What are Anthony's strengths?"
"What are Anthony's weaknesses?"

The responses were gratifying. Emotionally-charged. Rich. Honest and sincere. Incredibly true and occasionally frustrating. I mean, really? Do I really do that? Am I really? It's amazing how many things we don't notice that our friends and family do.

I was praised for "[my] ability to put plans into action, [my] dedication to others, [my] loyalty to [my] friends and ability to see the good in people and respect their opinions." I was recognized as "a wonderful activist" who holds "[myself] accountable for [my] actions and decisions," making me "a very dependable and consistent person following [my] conscience." I was called "a caring person that tries to make sure that all people [I] come into contact with [will] succeed." More broadly, respondents noted my empathy, passion, and faith as positive qualities.

Meanwhile, responses made clear my many weaknesses. I "can be a bit overbearing in arguments and sometimes...avoid looking at the other side," which can be "a bit intimidating." I have a "tendency to be very opinionated and talk over others, (not in an offensive or exclusive way, just excited[ly])." "Want[ing] things to be done a certain way," I "don't often delegate." Much of the comments were focused on my political beliefs and opinions, which I have a tendency to make quite obvious to other people, especially on Facebook, and often causing problems like long arguments in comments sections of statuses and photos. Overall, the main refrain was that I am sometimes so passionate that I appear to be judgmental or non-agreeable.

The exercise, though, was one of the coolest, most informative, most interesting things I've ever done to determine what other people see and hear when I am talking to them. My "strengths" were good to hear, but my "weaknesses" were humbling, yet necessary. I believe some of them can be explained at least partially by my MBTI type (an ESTJ/ESFJ tie), but they certainly bring opportunity for self-improvement.

I should try, for example, to keep political comments to a minimum so as not to enrage people who may not agree with my views or who aren't interested in politics. When I do make my opinions known, I need to make sure that I allow other people to get their views in as well--and I need to consider them equally with my own. I need to ensure that everyone has work to do so as not to feel unimportant.

All things that a leader should constantly be working on.

Overall, I encourage others to attempt to post a self-survey. You can create an anonymous Google Doc, allowing you to receive responses from people without their names being displayed--only a timestamp. I encourage you to take your praise in stride and your weaknesses as chances for improvement.

If you'd like to participate in my survey, I'd welcome your responses.